Having a baby can be draining. Draining on your body, on your mind, on your partners mind and body, but also on your marriage. I may not be a marriage expert, however I do have 10 years under my belt and its still going strong. These are some things to hep your marriage after having a baby, or even if you have kids now.
Help each other with the house hold duties every day. If one of you works away from home and the other doesn’t, that doesn’t exclude them from helping. Helping out could mean something as little as taking out the trash or starting a load of laundry. Something little goes a long way.
Take time out each day for each other to regroup. Even if its just 5 minutes. Keep each other in the loop about what happened while one was away. Tell each other about your accomplishments that day and your struggles. When one of you struggles the other should be there to lift you up and remind you to keep trying.
Have a date night or a date day once a month at least. When those important marriage milestones come up, 1 years, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years and so on, make sure to make your date nights a little more meaningful. Dates do not have to be extravagant, away from home or kid free. Dates have to be about the two of you, talking and enjoying each others company.
Try to take care of each others needs every day, no I don’t mean in the bedroom. I mean, do something for them, something they already have planned to do. Ie: make their lunch, prep the coffee.
Hug each other, at least 20 seconds long. It has been proven hugs can increase your serotonin levels. Serotonin helps decrease stress, reduce anxiety, reduce tension and much much more. Try googling hugs and why we need them.
Kiss each other good night, Every night. Try your hardest not to go to bed angry at each other. Yes, even the happiest marriages have fights. Whats important is you need to talk about it. A resolution doesn’talways happen
Remember, when life starts getting crazy remember how you were together before kids. Remind your spouse of that funny memory. It helps life slow down a little.
Take a break from each other. Sometimes you need a break to regroup your self and thats ok. I don’t mean a break where you don’t come home, I mean take a couple hours to your self or go out with a friend.
Friends have friends that are both of yours and friends that are just yours. Have friends who respect you enough to “lie” to you when your butt really does look fat in that outfit, and to tell you the truth when you need it. Friends who you count on to just let you vent so you aren’t so angryat your spouse.
Sex as often as you both agree on. It is important. Sex makes the two of you open up and communicate on a deeper level than you do with anyone else. When you open up and communicate in the bedroom, its easier to open up and communicate outside of the bedroom.
Remember to talk, hug, laugh, cry, have sex, and care for each other!
~ The Nurturing Doula